What am I here for?

I found it both humbling and terrifying to lose all the things that had previously given my life meaning and purpose.

For me this came through illness but many people might experience something similar for a whole range of reasons.

It’s a scary place to be – lost, confused, disoriented, not knowing who I am or what I’m here for.

Everything I took for granted has gone. Now I’m trying to pick up the few pieces that are left, rebuild my life and rekindle a sense of self.

But how?

I’m not sure.

How do I work out what my purpose is when most of my day is about basic self care?

How do I find meaning when I barely have the energy to get out of bed?

How do I become part of a greater cause when my world is so small; limited to a house, a garden and the few streets within walking distance?

It feels selfish to be spending so much time on myself when I’ve always felt life was more about contributing to society and making the world a better place.

This is where my life is right now, but I don’t like it.

I struggle to know what my role is, what my part is in the bigger picture.

I feel small and insignificant. Maybe this is closer to the truth than I like to believe.

I used to feel part of something bigger than myself, which gave me worth and a sense of purpose.

Now everything is laid bare and it’s very uncomfortable.

Trying to balance out a sense of purpose with very limited resources is a daily challenge.

Some days I manage it better than others.

Yesterday I decided a good purpose would be to reach the highest level of health and wellbeing I can manage.

We’ll see how it goes…


About migrainefreeme

I'm a practitioner psychologist. I'm on a journey of faith and grace. I have complex, severe and continuous migraine. I blog about holding on to hope through life's ups and downs.
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